Day 15-20 It's Really Eas-OH MY GEESE-HOT-CHEETOS!

     Before anyone worries (as if you would), rest assured I have not given into my darkest temptations. In fact, I triumphed over them today. Let's start with the beginning of said day:

So I wake up at eleven o'clock on the dot and bound up (then stumble sleepily) from bed and head to where I keep my work uniform. I pull it on as quickly as I can before slipping on my black socks and black Keds before I disappear into the restroom for my daily morning ritual (or afternoon as the case may be). With teeth freshly brushed and face cleanly washed I walk back into my room an head to my dresser to slip on "my face" I try not to wear too much makeup but I realize that its becoming quite a bit. Maybe I'll tone it down a bit...
Once I'm ready I head out and my dad drops me off at work. I'm a little grumpy so I try to speak as little as possible. I don't want to darken anyone else's day. At this point hot cheetos have simply been a fleeting thought in the processes of my mind, there are many other things to worry about. When I get to work I have no time to think of those delicious hot chips. I'm plunged into work with ceaseless customers until about three hours later. Work keep me busy throughout the day and even then (because I didn't have breakfast and that's a bad thing!) I only thing about food in general. When I'm finally out (ten hours later; shift 12-10:30) all I can think about is food. When my dad pulls up in my car and I take my seat in the passenger seat I see a small (the bigger than the smallest) bag of half eaten hot cheetos...I WANT THEM! I NEED TO HAVE THEM! I CAN OPEN THE BAG AND TASTE THE SWEET CHEESE HOTNESS. I WANT THEM NOW! I NEED TO EAT THEM. I WILL GO CRAZY UNLESS I DEVOUR THAT BAG. THERE IS NO QUESTION ABOUT RIGHT OR WRONG. IN FACT THERE'S ONLY ONE QUESTION THAT I CAN THINK OF WHILE I STARE AT THE SMALL BAG WITH BUT A HANDFUL OF CHIPS LEFT INSIDE OF IT: WHY SHOULDN'T I EAT THEM? I'VE SURVIVED THIS LONG AND I DESERVE A SMALL REWARD. I'LL JUST EAT THOSE AND THAT'S IT. I WON'T EAT ANYMORE THAN THAT, I SWEAR.
     And then my thought process begins to catch up with me and I see the craze behind the "reason" if that's what you wanna call it. I know that if I eat that bag it won't stop there. I'll keep eating. With payday just a day behind me and no bills paid yet, I'd just go out and buy two large bags. And I can't do that. I owe it to every person that's ever battled some sort of addiction to food, bad food. I owe it to myself to give myself the thirty days. It's just in ten days. Just a little under two weeks from now I can test myself to see if I really deserve that small bag of hot cheetos I promised my will power. Ten days and I'll have proved everyone who ever said that I couldn't go thirty days wrong.

Days 11-14 Not To Worry

     So I haven't posted in about four days. Mostly because I haven't felt the need to. I've been doing alright on my own, I've been managing to keep my cravings small and I don't get them for long but today and a part of last night was really hard. I wanted hot cheetos so badly but I didn't have any thanks to my new and improved will power. I never thought I had it in me to go three much less fourteen days without hot cheetos. I'm just short of halfway through my goal of thirty days and I can honestly admit to how excited I am.

     I've been working out as well though not every day and for an hour or two like I want to. After I've done my thirty days of life without hot cheetos I'm going to proceed to start on my thirty days of working out. That's not to say I'll start eating hot cheetos again. I may reward myself with one of those small bags unless I feel I really don't need it (and let's hope it's the latter) but I'm going to continue my life without them and I'm simply going to focus on blogging about working out as well as no hot cheetos. It really is freeing to know that I can do this. To have gone fourteen days without even slipping up once. A year is a long time but I hope one day I can reach that number and maybe I'll make my own chip like in A.A. I'll have a one year chip for staying off hot cheetos. And if anyone else is working on a similar goal and achieves it maybe I'll make one for you too. It would certainly unite us junk food addicts.

     I'm still not staying away from chips like I want to but one step at a time. I'm going to look into Quaker Rice Cakes. Maybe that can be an adequate substitute to chips in general. Then maybe I can find something a little more healthy. I've really been in the mood for fruit lately...a banana really sounds good right about now. 'Til tomorrow!

Day 10 - Friends and Cheeps

     So, I bought some chips. I didn't buy hot cheetos though it looked as if they were everywhere in that darn store! They were in the chips isle, they were in the drinks isle and in the front! They were EVERYWHERE. But I remained strong and did not give in. I did buy chips though not the ones that I really wanted. Had to stay away from those. I bought a bag of cheetos puffs of which I only had enough to quell the need for chips. I also bought some hot fritos and a bag of chex mix. I ate a little of each as well. Just a few pieces to resist the urge to really just binge. It was a good thing. I don't feel like I need to eat any more.
     It also helps that I've got a few friends over today. My friend Adrian is still here. He's awesome. Funny, like me but more so. It's nice to have some support from those who have lived beside me with my addiction. It sounds like we're talking about crack...but I'm really not. Nothing but fatty chips!

Day 9 - Easier and Easier

     I must admit that this is becoming rather easy...which only serves as a foreboding sign to me. I think it's all going to hit me one day really hard and I'm going to succumb to my desire. But I have to be strong, now and when that time comes. It's easy knowing that I can think about them but that I don't have to eat them. I hate them for consuming me. I thought about them today, not too long ago either. I was watching Cory Williams's (SMPFilms, DudeLikeHella) vlog today and he was in a grocery store and what was behind him but hot cheetos! -Pout- I hate you grocery stores. Still, as soon as I'm feeling "better" I'm going to start doing my exercises again and slowly work myself into doing them everyday despite how "sick" I feel.
     It's nice to now that it'll get easier. Nine days. The longest I've gone in over...woah...a lot of years apparently. C'est la vie.

Day 8 - The Memories

     I really miss the flavor of hot cheetos. The cravings are getting stronger but shorter. Why is it that they keep getting stronger? It's horrible and utterly disgusting how much I want them! I need tacos tomorrow but I really want hot cheetos as well. Of course I'm not going to get any. I really want to though. Today's blog will of course be extremely short since I have not much to report except that I was right. Getting out of work nice and tired really makes me want hot cheetos.
     But tomorrow's another day and another slight struggle.

Day 7 - One Week

     Today I was hit by the strongest craving by far. I hardly got any sleep and I didn't have breakfast (again, not good for you!). I got to work and stood with a co-worker talking about how I really wanted chorizo, egg, and potato tacos...with hot cheetos! I could taste them so strongly. I wanted them so badly. If there'd been a bag in front of me it would have been a real test of will power. Talking with my co-worker about how good hot cheetos were and why I'd given them up made me want them so badly.
     It was overwhelming and it's only been a week. I can't believe it. I honestly can't. It feels like an age and it's only been seven days. Seven long days in which no hot cheetos has entered my body. I feel a sense of pride and yet I also feel weak for needing them so much. It's sad how attached to them I was or am as the case may be.
     It's strange eating foods I'd once eaten with hot cheetos by themselves. It's like I'm discovering the flavors all over again. Hot cheeto flavor was all I really wanted to know. What was the point in tasting anything else when the something else was simply there to make the hot cheetos taste better. Of course, I can't think that it was the other way around or else I may just talk myself into just eating them when I eat food. I've done that before and every meal was served with a side of hot cheetos. But alas, I shall strive for my goal and hope that spicy chips do not tempt me again.

Day 6 - Another Day of Cravings

     So it is the end of the day again, I'm posting a little later than last night, and it's been a slow day. I have managed to get through another day without hot cheetos and I'm happy to say that last night, I didn't buy any chips as I predicted I would! I managed to keep from eating any sort of snacks and for that I'm extremely proud of myself. Today did not come without its cravings but they were not as strong as they were last night. Still, I hate that they come into my thoughts. They're like an ex-boyfriend. Ugh!
     Trials and tribulations are not over. I think this is going to haunt me for a while and hopefully one day I'll surpass it and life will be normal again. More normal than it's been since that first $.25 bag of hot cheetos. Today's update will be short. Tomorrow will have at least half a day of distractions since I work in the morning but seeing as I'll be tired afterwards, I know I'll want hot cheetos very very much.

Day 5 - Distractions

     It's about nine o'clock or a little over and it's time to report for the day.Well, good thing is I kept myself busy today. I woke up at...nine? No, ten. And got up and ready for my day at the movies! I just had to get out to see X-Men First Class and after that I double featured it and watched the Hangover II. It was alright. I wasn't very impressed with the first one though it had it's funny moments and the second also had funny moments though not the ones people laughed at. I seem to be on another level when it comes to jokes. And watching Bradley Cooper was definitely not a bad thing.
     So aside from my day being full of good looking men, (James Mcavoy, Bradley Cooper, Michael Fassbender, and the slightly younger than me Lucas Till) it was also a good distraction. I was out of the house from ten forty to six forty so I had no time to think about hot cheetos...until I got home and sat in front of my TV and turned on the Xbox. I really wanted hot cheetos. I still do as a matter of fact. It's sad that I think about them everyday. Sometimes a day goes by and I'll only think about them as a fleeting though but I still think about them.
     So I'm trying to find an alternative snack source. I thought about going out and buying some vinegar and salt chips (the smallest bag I could find) or some sun chips which would be even better (the original, not flavored ones) but my stomach has been hurting and I can't bring myself to get back in my car and go anywhere. I'll probably end up eating a tomato or something. Of course this is an excellent opportunity to distract myself with my writing though I know I'm going to end up going out and buying some kind of chip with some kind of flavor. Small steps right? I'm not eating hot cheetos and I didn't have any chips yesterday or the day before. Maybe I can work my way off of chips completely over the next thirty days too though that may not be too realistic. Either way, as long as I break my need for hot cheetos I think I'll be okay.

Day 4 - It's Getting Harder (That's what she said!)...

     As I suspected, it's gotten harder to ignore my cravings. Much harder since yesterday and I know it'll only get worse tomorrow. I wish I could just forget hot cheetos ever existed. I actually laughed out loud when I wrote that. Why? Because that's something a normal girl says about some horrible ex-boyfriend. Instead I'm hating on hot cheetos. Definitely my longest relationship ever. We've courted for so long but I've become use to hot cheetos and have to therefore cut the cord.
     So after work I was pretty famished (I hadn't eaten all day--which is a bad thing kiddos. Make sure you eat breakfast because it is the meal that will energize you for the rest of the day.) so I went to Sonic and picked up a chili cheese coney and a large fruit punch. Needless to say, when I got home and ate my chili cheese coney the urge to have some hot cheetos afterwards was horribly strong. I wallowed in what felt like very long horrible seconds--at least thirty--of the most powerful urge to feel the generously spiced up cheeto flavor in my mouth. I wanted a bag and I wanted it then and there...but I focused on something else and after those hard thirty seconds I was able to forget about hot cheetos for at least an hour before I wanted them again and I continued to distract myself. Even now, as I write, I still want them. But as I hoped, being strong not just for me but for you guys, has helped me keep from caving.
     I know it will be worse tomorrow. The cravings will be stronger and of longer duration. I expect by the end of the week to be dying to have them. But I'll have to persevere! I have to stay strong. Not only for myself but for everyone else out there that has the same issue I have. Everyone has their addiction and mine unfortunately happens to be one of the fattiest chips on the market. :( Curse you neighbor. Curse you.

Day 3 - The thoughts!

     It's been a short day but a hard one at many times. I'm more than sure that I can do this after today but I know the cravings will get worse tomorrow, they always do. The only problem I seem to have is thinking about these stupid chips. They pop into my head and I think about the taste and the way that the chile builds up on my fingers. The way it tastes when I lick it off is so good. These are the thoughts that are hard.
     It's a little sad for me because it's so silly. They're hot cheetos. Quitting food that isn't good for you shouldn't be so hard. I hope this blog will help motivate me to keep my promise. Craving just hit. There's this liquid chile called Trechas that I eat hot cheetos with. It's so good and I have a bottle on my desk at the moment. I really want some cheetos but I can't let that feeling rule me. There are more things that I want more, like wearing the nice dress hanging in my closet. :)

Days 1-2 - This is how it happened...

As a child I was afraid of hot things. The stove, fireworks, barbecue pits, peppers, jalapenos, you know, hot things! Then came the fateful day when I made my way around the front of my yard and walked down the street to my neighbors house and proceeded to play. I was a thin child. "Petite" was the word my mother used to describe me. I can't remember how old I was exactly when my neighbors (twin siblings a boy and a girl) and I played in their yard running from the front to the back, getting muddy but I was very young.

We decided to stop, seeing as we were tired, and decided to head down the back of their house through the barren fields to the small corner store by the highway of an almost rarely traveled highway. When we were finally there we searched the store shelves for things we liked to drink and munch on when my neighbor (we'll just call her Maria) Maria stopped in front of the $.25 bag of chips shelf. There were many choices but she reached out and grabbed a Hot Cheetos bag.

"You eat those?" I asked.

"Yes." Maria replied.

"They're hot though."

"No they're not. Get one." She suggested.

I said no a couple times but she pressed and I am sad to say that I was unwilling to look like a wimp and I gave in to peer pressure for the first and last time in my life. I got the bag of chips and with a small pit in my stomach we headed back to the house. When we arrived we perched ourselves on the septic tank and opened our goodies.

What happened next was unexpected. I was scared but I went ahead and ate my very first hot cheeto...and I've never really looked back.

As of now, I have gone one day without eating hot cheetos and of course Ive done that before but like many times before, I am intent on getting past thirty days without ANY hot cheetos. I have attempted to give them up altogether on MANY occasions. My family responds to me saying that I'm not eating them anymore with the ever so motivational, "Steph, you're always saying that!" or my personal favorite, "That's what you said two weeks ago."

Hot cheetos have become a sort of addiction for me though I remember previously saying to a friend that I'm not the type to develop addictions...I guess I hadn't thought about hot cheetos. I want to see my right thumb and forefinger's normal hue again as opposed to the almost permanent red they appear to have absorbed. Hopefully keeping this blog and updating daily will keep me from lapsing. Thirty days. That is my goal and then I will allow myself to have ONE small bag of hot cheetos so that I do not binge. And maybe even then, if I make the thirty days I'll just keep going. So wish me luck!

XO,

Steph